party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
