Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
