somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A+ Viking dick
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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