Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
