It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
