I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
