Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
