She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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