You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
