Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
