You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
