They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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