is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
