yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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