Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You ruined the universe
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
