After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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