I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize