Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
