i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
