I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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