This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
