Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
