: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
