Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
