I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
