it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Someone signed my nipple.
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