Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
