Your mouth is God's brothel.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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