Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
