I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
