yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im six kinds of drunk right now
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
