guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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