First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
