apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
