So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
