I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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