nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize