Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
