Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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