Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
