they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
