He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
