I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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