Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
