Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
