U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Everything about him screamed your future.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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