Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
