when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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