I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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