All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is it penis luge time yet?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
