Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Randomize
