hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
