I must be too annoying 4 u.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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