drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
