"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
