i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
