Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
