So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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