Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
