so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
