party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
