i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
