I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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