I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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