We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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