So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize