i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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