And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
