dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it penis luge time yet?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
