I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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