mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
