My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
