I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My penis needs a shock collar
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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