So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
