She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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