so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
