don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
