babies were throwing up all over the place
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
