dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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