Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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